Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal ♥
I didn’t really know where to go to express my feelings..
So I thought here might be the perfect place. I really don’t care if anyone sees this but it would be nice just to let it out.
I very recently lost my Grampa, just a week ago. And I am having a very very hard time dealing with that. I have never missed someone so much. Me and my grampa were pretty close. He was a good problem solver so I often went to him for guidance especially about cars. Gosh. It has only been a week and I feel like it just happened yesterday. I got to reschedule my 2 exams that I was suppose to write last week to this week. Marks are due April 30th. I don’t understand how people possibly think that that would be enough time to deal with something like this. I dont really know if I will ever be able to get back to normal. There will never be a day that goes by where I will not think about my grampa or miss him any less then I do now. I wrote one exam today and it was horrible. My mind is no where near what it needs to be for exams. And I really wanna switch schools next year because right now im 3 hours away from home and I am so fkn mad at this school for taking me away from my family.. 3hrs is long way when you consider the time you be spending with the people you love. And life is short. The day my grampa passed, I was over there just a couple hours before. I got to hear his voice and see his face light up when he saw me. I got him some rice pudding with the raisins and sat with him, my dad and my gramma while he ate his pudding and we watched Jeopardy. Me and my dad went home after he was done and just 2 hrs. ONLY TWO FKN HOURS LATER we got that dreadful call from my gramma and he was gone. He has left me now before most of the big stages in my life. He will not be there for my graduation from University and he will not be there to see me walk down the aisle at my wedding. He won’t even get to meet his grandchildren (if I choose to have any). I just wish he could be there for those things. I know he will be there in spirit but physically would have meant so much more. Cancer is a dirty cunt. The things I would do to cancer if I met it in a dark alley.
I cannot possibly make sense of anything right now. I cannot make sense of how you get over the loss of someone who meant so much. I cannot make sense of how you are suppose to move on with your life and let everything go back to normal. And I cannot make sense of the pain that I feel in my heart that I think will always remain there no matter what. I just wanna be home with my family and especially my gramma. But I cant because of exams.. even though I have no shape to write the stupid things. I am just hoping he is there with me during this time and can help me get through everything. God, I just miss him so much. I will always love you grampa <3
